Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's on the porch naked. Help.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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