Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
