I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
