I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
