Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize