How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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