why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
All the doctor said was why
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
