dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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