yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
