so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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