I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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