Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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