Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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