Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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