Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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