i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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