last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
