I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
