I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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