dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
