Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
