My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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