Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
