i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
