I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
