first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
