somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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