I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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