you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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