Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
