he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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