So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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