Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
why do cheetos always look like penises
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
