We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
