My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
