you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
