So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
