I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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