weddingsv make me drug and hornr
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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