I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
