So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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