He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
