dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I need water and some morals
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
