if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
