hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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