Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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