I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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