There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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