I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
