like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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