This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize