Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
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