Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize