She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
