i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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