wat bout pragnant strippers??
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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