I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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