It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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