We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
