HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
