Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
