Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
