I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i will never coherently bang her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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