I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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