his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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