There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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