you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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