Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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