just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
