Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
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you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need to sanitize my soul.
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I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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