So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
