i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
