When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
