I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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