all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
