I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
