It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
