the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
