I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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