I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
