I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
